I had a rough week. I got angry about something relatively minor, and may have said some words in ear-shot of my kids that I should not have said. When I’m a little bit angry, I decompress by laughing, but whenever I get really angry, I decompress by crying. As I was doing my best to get my grocery shopping done on Saturday, I was holding back tears. By the time I got to my car, I was a mess of tears
Sunday at church, I was crying tears again during the prayer of confession and even more so before communion. Then we sang the song “I Can Only Imagine” and I felt such grace and healing in my heart.
But when it was time for bed, my thoughts turned to trying to understand why I reacted the way I did. It was five o’clock in the morning before I got to the bottom of it and discovered the deep underlying fear. Here’s what surfaced: “If others don’t see the value of my contributions, I start to fear that I have no value.”
Well, there’s no surer way to kill a fear than by bringing it into the light. That’s sort of a silly fear.
And a very un-Biblical fear: God so loved the world that he gave his only son! God shows us our value in that Christ died for us.
I’ve heard it explained this way:
Regardless of what you do to a dollar bill, crumple it, step on it, or fold it into origami, it’s still a dollar. Inflation may reduce its purchasing power, but the nominal value does not change. As children of God, our value never changes in God’s eyes. To let us know how priceless we are, God bought us with His own beloved son.
When I ponder that, I start to protest: It doesn’t seem right; the numbers can’t possibly match. Still I hear God whisper: Find your worth in Christ.